He is proud that my children Iike him and it makes him happy that his girls like me. People I know have even asked of he isy husband. I feel that he is scared to get close to me and he is building a wall between us. For a long time I felt so hurt and I would cry a lot but now I am trying to just be there and let him know that I still care. He used to be so full of compliments but now he holds back and I feel he is physically keeping me at arms length but does not want to let me go. I love him dearly, I want to just hold him and make him see that I will never hurt him but inside I am hurting so much.
Em Reply May 24, at am. I was sexually abused by a distant family relative for about 5 years between ages of about 9 and I am 28 years old now and have never had an intimate relationship with anyone and dont know if I ever will at this point. Chloe Reply May 28, at am. I have been married to my husband for 30 years and found out about 7 years ago from a counsellor that my husband had been sexually abused as a child. His mother was not explicitly emotional and the abuse, as far as I know, happened on one occasion.
Whilst I have every sympathy for my husband and can see how the abuse has impacted on his life, I feel devastated when I consider the impacts it has had on our relationship. Indeed, if I consider spending the rest of my life with him, in this same way, I despair. My husband does not desire me. My husband, whilst he tells me he loves me avoids talking about anything emotional, and if I express any emotion he us quick to suggest a practical solution to shut me up. Throughout our marriage my self esteem has hit rock bottom.
I have read the earlier response of the lady of 70years who has lived throughout her whole life in this situation and ended up with no children and a lifetime of regrets. To her and to myself I would say if your partner is not prepared to work towards change for the sake of the relationship then cut your losses.
Whilst I know these are good people and change is frightening for them, I also know personally of the terrible effects of disconnection, rejection and low self worth to the partners who stays with them Please can you give me any references to literature pertinent to understanding the responses of males to their partners.
Also iif any male survivors feel brave enough please please help me and many others to understand how your responses can make us feel so lonely, and what we could do to support help and assist in the recovery. It seems you were hurt that your husband was afraid to tell you about the abuse. Please know that your husband is not alone in keeping the abuse to himself for many, many years; this is actually more common than not. There are myriad barriers that men face to disclosing sexual abuse , and it is in no way a reflection on you.
As to the rest of your comment, I would agree with you and say yes, it is up to you both to work towards improvement in your relationship. The first step is to be clear with your partner about your needs and expectations, and that you are willing to make a commitment to meeting theirs as well. See Developing intimacy in a relationship for some practical tips that might help. You mentioned he avoids talking about anything emotional, so perhaps our page on Men, emotions and sexual abuse may help you to understand what he might be experiencing.
Many people also find our Information for partners page useful. Finally, some men have indeed had the strength and courage to share some thoughts and advice for partners. Kymmie Reply July 12, at pm. Hi, my husband of 10 yrs and I are having problems with communication and sexual intimacy.
To be honest its been our whole marriage. And really became a problem after our first son was born. He suffered for 3 yrs before telling me he was giving up when I finally told him I had been sexually abused since I think about yrs old. I was made to perform sexual acts as well as receive and I was told all good little girls did this but it had to be secret.
My husband and I split up for awhile but he supported me with getting me to a counsellor and being there while I finally spoke out loud about it. After my son was born I had flashbacks everyday and especially during sex. I couldnt leave him alone with anyone and I become very untrusting of my husband with our son when I had no reason to be.
So I know his birth was the catalyst for me to finally deal with this trauma. Counselling was good and I slowly felt safe again. My husband and I got back together and welcomed another son. My husband is much more understanding of my needs and knows now that there are particular things he must not say or do whilst we are having sex.
He knows that if i grab his hair and feel his head then i am uncomfortable and trying to resolve any unsafe feelings by knowing its him. And I battle other emotions like feeling guilty when it feels good. Or confused when I cant get in the mood. I also struggle to talk about my feelings and communicating anything deeper than the daily activities. Its gotten to the point again where he is feeling defeated like I dont love him or care for him because I wont open up and offer any of my wants and needs. Recently he has opened up about sexual fantasies and toys etc.
This terrifies me but understanding he could never be a dominant with me I became it. It helped alot but I have do reluctant to try again and I dont know why. The toy idea makes me feel, for want of a better word, icky. Its true and its fact and I cant take it back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Reginald Reply August 12, at am. I 25yo male was repeatedly molested by an older male cousin beginning at a very young age I believe 3 or 4 and continuing until I was in my very late teens. A few times a year. I am an openly gay man and have only had two serious long-term relationships, both of which have shown signs of dwindling sexual activity.
I believe this to be largely due to the abuse I encountered when I was young. Thanks so much for reaching out to Living Well, and sharing your story. I know that is not easy and want to commend you on your strength in seeking out support and working through your difficulties. Pages that may be helpful for you include: Dealing with the effects of childhood sexual abuse Developing intimacy in a relationship Renovate your relationship. You mentioned you were looking for further reading. We have a page listing some useful books for men overcoming sexual abuse.
Please take care while reading, and look after yourself through this process. Finally, if you are looking for some direct support and counselling, please check out our partners in the US, 1in6. They offer online support and may be able to point you to more local assistance.
Sadie Reply August 25, at pm. I was abused by my brother for years growing up. I have no idea when it started or when it stopped but it has ruined my life so far. He was not the only one to take advantage of me, in fact there were several of his friends and my friends brothers that did the same thing. The abuse with my brother lasted many years. I have not been able to get close to any man ever in my adult life. I cannot stand to be touched. I have had sex several times over the years but it makes me sick.
I regret it every time and feel sick and want to cry. I know what is happening but I try to block it as best I can.
- The Roller Coaster Economy: Financial Crisis, Great Recession, and the Public Option?
- The inner male: overcoming roadblocks to intimacy - Herb Goldberg - Google книги.
- Surfactant Science and Technology: Retrospects and Prospects!
- How to eliminate all your insecurities in one go.
- Immunobiology of Proteins and Peptides VI: Human Immunodeficiency Virus, Antibody Immunoconjugates, Bacterial Vaccines, and Immunomodulators.
I cannot see anything even if my eyes are open. I sometimes feel like I cannot remember if it actually happened or if I imagined it happened. I have found someone I want to be with but am scared to death. I want a normal life with someone and do not know how to make it happen and be able to enjoy them and be intimate with them without being repulsed. I know fully what I went through but never was able to stop it from happening. I want to be able to get past this. I have started talking with a therapist about it a little but do not know if I am supposed to keep talking about it and bringing it up or if they should or how to get past it.
I just want to be happy with someone someday. Reginald Reply September 5, at pm. The molestation started at the age of 7 and stopped at the age of 13 because I started fighting back. It almost put a wedge between my relationship with my child because I felt since I stood on my own at the age of 13 they could do the same. I had to come to my senses quickly. To put a dagger into everything, my wife was a victim of molestation as well. Here you have two individual that is dealing with the effects. My wife sex drive is high and mine is very low. We are on the verge of calling it quits, but is this the solution.
Neither of us have had any counseling sex therapist , but I ask myself will this help? My passion is communication and hers is sex, how can this work? Hi Reggie, Thank you for contacting Living Well, and sharing some of your experiences here. I am sorry to hear that you were molested as a child, and of the resulting impacts on your life — it does sound like you have worked through a lot.
Parenting and intimate partner relationships can be really tricky to navigate at the best of times. One of the challenges when both partners have experienced sexual abuse is that people are affected and respond in different ways, so where one person may find sex difficult at times, another may see sex as a way to connect, let go, feel okay and make up. Whilst this situation is familiar and similar to the experience of molestation, I would note that there is a very big difference between now and then: This is something you are choosing to do as an adult.
My guess is that it you are making the choice to do this out of love and care for your wife. The more you can ground your experiences in the present, including sex, the less likely you will be triggered, and the more likely it will work for you. In choosing to engage in sex, it is important to give each of you the opportunity for it to work for you — to be comfortable, enjoyable and meaningful.
The more you are grounded in the present moment, as the adult that you are, consciously choosing to participate, the less likely you will feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. I hear that you are interested in resolving these difficulties and getting some help. From what you have said, and given your willingness to sort this out, I would recommend finding a therapist who has experience in working with sexual trauma, individually and with couples. I would suggest that their experience in working with and addressing trauma responses is more paramount than being a sex therapist.
General sex therapy can actually be quite unhelpful where there is a history of sexual abuse. Our partners in the US, 1in6. Brayden Reply October 14, at am. My girlfriend was raped when she was six, and this article really helped me to understand how she could be feeling. I just want to know how i can cope with my sexual frustration without getting frustrated at her somtimes cause i know its not her fault. Abc Reply October 26, at am. I wonder, is that the reason I do all this?
No one I know would have ever guessed I could be so powerless.
- The Truth about Insecurities.
- Obstacles to Voting for Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence;
- Why you care what other people think.
- Polymer Composites – Polyolefin Fractionation – Polymeric Peptidomimetics – Collagens.
- Quantum Invariants: A Study of Knot, 3-Manifolds, and Their Sets.
Heathbar Reply October 30, at am. My father sexually abused and physically abused me violently regularly. The only safe place I had was school or with my nose in a book. In my heart I dream of marriage and children. However, in my last two serious relationships as soon as the person reached to kiss me or touch me I would freak. My therapist keeps telling me that once I find the right guy, he and I can go through counseling.
Gender Equality in Academia and Research
Great, but how do I allow myself to date or even be friends with a guy without the terror. I know my fear will ruin it. Any advice is welcome. Thank you. Hi Heathbar, Thanks for getting in touch with us and sharing your story. It is wonderful that you are reaching out and seeking support.
After your history of abuse, your experience of fear and terror in relationships with men is completely understandable, and not uncommon. Please know there is hope: We know that it is possible to work through this and to build your sense of safety and comfort when moving towards intimacy. A therapist should be able to help you to explore the automatic thoughts and feelings that come up for you when you think about getting to know a man. Their role can then be to help you develop strategies that allow you to either 1 cope effectively with these feelings, or 2 be less affected by them.
In the meantime I would like to suggest that you set aside time every day to engage in self care. Self care is any kind of activity or behaviour that builds up your resilience and coping, that is relaxing or enjoyable, or that lets out some of the stress that these difficulties cause. It includes things like diet, exercise, health care, and sleep, but also things like engaging in hobbies, relaxation exercises , fulfilling your life passions, and connecting with others. Some people sometimes this as a frivolous suggestion, but when it comes to recovering from issues like these, I really cannot stress enough how helpful these behaviours are.
Finally, there is a bit more information on improving intimacy on our page Developing intimacy in a relationship. While it is aimed at men as is our whole site , there are some points that apply to everyone and that may be helpful. Nadine Reply November 1, at am. He ended the relationship with me and yet continued to compliment me when he would see me, either in person or by text. This of course left me feeling confused knowing the feelings I have for him and how things ended abruptly.
I know the intimacy can be worked on. I want him to know that he has my love and support and that nothing he could tell me would change how I feel. I want to be there for him as both a friend and a lover, now and forever. Recently, we were texting each other, it turned sexual and we were both engaging in it. He ended up meeting me at my house after we both got off work.
COOL – Children Overcoming the Obstacles of Life | DMPCC
Lanz Reply November 19, at am. Jay Jay Reply November 23, at pm. I got out from heavy mental abusive relationship with physical abuse 2 years ago. I was also physically abused as a teenager before. Once it comes to a kiss, I just run away. I had a sex with a very nice guy. But I do not get turn on at all. All what I was thinking about — is for this man finish faster, and get out. He left, and I was feeling so bad because I was sitting all night in my living room because i could not even simply lay next to him. I washed all apartment and bed linen and towel after him several times.
When someone speaks loud in my place- I get an increasing heart beating. Before I was always interested in sex, had a very high sex drive. I have tried to brake it by having sex with a man and it only got emotionally worse. Than closer man get- I begin to feel a panic.
I do not feel safe at all. I find myself more safe being with women. I have a lot of nice men asking me to go out- but once I imagine that it will come to a sex part- I feel disgust. I can talk to man. Being in a company with a man. But once it comes to sex- I feel horrible.. Does it mean that I will like that forever? Did this abusive relationship changed my orientation? Why do I reject man so hard? T juchemich Reply December 4, at am. I lived in a time where a child was abused for being abused.
It is a shame as both my younger brothers are dead from suicide. Roger turned into a murderer and had a sign to tell world his wife was a victim of domestic violence. He committed suicide on Christmas and wife and former school teacher tried to sell all his material belongings the same day he died! I continue to try to get help but seem to get misdiagnosed.
Anonymous Reply December 18, at am. But with the help of my boyfriend I learned to control my panic attacks and my best friend and sister were very supportive. However my own boyfriend was raped when he was 14 by a male relative. He asks about everything. At first I was scared but I trust him now. Sometimes when we play rough he just stops because it reminds him or when he pins me to hard or if i cry out loud he starts sobbing. He told his parents a while ago and almost all the psychological effects have finished. But only in our sex life they remain. Clare Reply January 13, at am.
I want to encourage him to get counseling just in case but am I overreacting? The thing is, whilst it is possible that his behaviour that night may have been influenced by being molested as a child, it is not a causal link. My first concern in this situation is how you are coping with the breach of trust. For that to happen it will be important to talk about the situation with your partner.
Be open about your concerns for the future and the level of hurt his behaviour caused you. If you feel this would be too much, maybe you could seek the help of a relationship counsellor. Ronnie Reply February 17, at am. I am in a relationship with a beautiful man that has experienced the most horrific of childhoods. My love was repeatedly raped by his father from the age of 3 till he was When I met him he was a 48, quietly spoken gentle man who had had many relationships with women that were in their early twenties, all driven by sex.
I was nearing 50, had been in a long term relationship, and was looking for a loving relationship for my future. I knew early on in our relationship that my partner had been sexually abused by his father and I had seen the effects of what had been left behind. The first year of our relationship was very sexually driven by both of us. The last 4 years has been an emotional rollercoaster. His Father died at this time, and since then intimacy has been difficult. He is still the gentleman, very considerate and kind, but a lot is missing in our relationship.
He has trouble with intimacy, we sleep in the same bed but only to sleep. Cuddles and kisses but no passion. He does things that I dont understand. Because we dont have this intimacy I was thinking that because he had had a lot of sexual encounters with young women that he had decided that I wasnt good enough.
I went through his phone and found he was talking sexually and talking about me and our relationship to another woman who was in America. He was saying that he wasnt attracted to me. It really crushed me. I confronted him with this. I love my man so much, but am still totally confused, hurt and dont know where I am in this relationship and what is next in this life for us. I am so jealous of all the women that have come before me because of the way he is now sexually. But I do know that there is a way forward and I am not going to give up on him.
We have been through so much together. Rose Reply February 23, at pm. I was raped when I was about ten or eleven. I repressed it and no one every knew. My parents had suspicions and later the man was outed as a child molester. It explains why I have always felt like something was wrong with me. I was really overtly sexual as a teenager, and full of self hatred. But after I got married I really stopped wanting to have sex and so much anger has been coming up.
Though I do want to have sex with other men, which I feel guilty for. It hurts to actually engage in intercourse most of the time and I have so much anger. It feels really bad and I lately I seem to be having physical reactions after sex so that my vagina is in pain for some days after. The man who sexually abused me as a child was the father of my friend. I knew him well and there was an intimate feeling in the abuse, even though it was very rough and violent at the same time.
But I do want it at the same time. Are their groups for women in Northern California that you would suggest?
I just feel so much shame and guilt. There are other issues in our relationship too, but this is one of the main ones. This feeling of something being wrong with me is very pervasive. But I know I need to take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. Its terrifying to think that if we did break up then I would have these problems in any future relationships too.
Hi Rose, Thanks so much for opening up and sharing your experiences with us and with our visitors. I think that takes so much courage, and shows a willingness to help others who may be going through this. We know that shame is a very common experience that can linger for years after abuse. It can be triggered very easily and is one of the toughest feelings to cope with.
For anyone who has experienced sexual violence, becoming comfortable with intimacy can be difficult. We do have a page on building intimacy in your relationship. While again the information is aimed primarily at men, many of the tips and strategies apply to anyone. Andy Reply March 13, at pm. My wife was raped when she was 16 and then gangraped when she was Although she says that both experiences were very traumatic and has left her emotionally scarred she has a very high sexual appetite.
I have noticed that she likes to be dominated and for the sex to be rough. Although i do enjoy it I sometimes feel guilty that I am in some way making her relive the ordeal or is that the way she views sex? She never received any therapy after the gangrape so I was wondering could that have an effect on the way she views sex now? DEZ Reply March 14, at am. I know this is more for men who have been sexually abused… I do have questions though because I have had experiences when growing up and am back at the job of working on it.
Background — I was molested — Once when I was 5 it was my earliest memory, Once when I was 8 and when I was 15 off and on by a trusted family friend. None of it was rape, if it had been I would have pressed charges, also because there would be physical evidence however I find that I am picking up the pieces as an adult but am vigilant in doing this and it has gotten better and better.
I place full ownership of the blame on them, they were older men, it is their fault entirely end of story… I am proud of the progress I have made, because for a time it turned me into a real man hater and it took years to realize not all men were freaks even though the initial experiences were and actually some men are for the rights and liberty of women which at first was not comfortable to be honest, it forced me to not put them into the pervert box and consider them… did get over most of that.
What I am working on now is developing better relationships and possibly romantic. Question — I find when I develop a reasonably close relationship and the conversation leads me to believe they could handle the info they have difficulty, why do relationships fall apart when I mention it to some people? It does leave me vulnerable….
Any advice here please? Also I do tend to flat-line… I will be interested in someone sexually but when the reality hits I flat-line in a sexual way… why is this and what can I do? Please any insight would be appreciated. Reggy Reply April 5, at am. Join the club! Never been in a relationship, except I guess for 1 day back when I was twelve. Ironically I have a lot in common with the man-haters, except from the other side of the aisle. I will say that the points describing normal sex vs sexual abuse are compelling, and I think I will write them down for whenever I become extremely depressed.
My entire experience of sexuality can be summed up as follows: Ugly, brutal, humiliating, terrifying, disgusting, exploitative, autonomous, painful, shameful.. The list goes on. So trying to constantly reinforce the other, positive beliefs about sexuality has helped a lot, because they are the beliefs I want to believe are true as well. It helps you keep a clear train of thought and stops you from falling into endless black holes and loops.
DEZ Reply April 6, at am. Thanks for the understanding it is good to touch base. I am looking for real answers and am looking to climb the mountain and get over it. A journal may be good though, I am looking for ways to build self worth which has deteriorated but am building it up, after all it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them and their unfinished business and their virus of low self worth which I have somehow caught. I am confident it will happen and I will get over things but in the meantime am scouring every crevice in order to cancel my subscription to depression….
Anon Reply March 30, at am. Reading through some of the above has resonated with me, I was in a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive same sex relationship. The sex was void of any intimacy, and I felt like I was an object to be used at her whim to meet her demands. It felt like I had no autonomy over my own body, and sex was something she demanded and I submitted to, as a means to keep the peace, my giving in to her demand for sex was a condition to me being able to: leave the bedroom; prepare food; have a bath; clean my teeth; leave the house or go to work.
Writing this, and reading the above highlights how much it was about her efforts to exercise power and control over me. It was easier to give her what she wanted and for us all to remain safe. I have been out of the relationship for a number of years now, and whilst I recognised the relationship as being abusive very early on, even when I was still within it, it is only now that I am beginning to acknowledge that she was also sexually abusive too. It is apparent when I look to try to establish some kind of a future, that the repercussions of this are ongoing, I am so anxious about any kind of sexual contact that in a club recently when someone made a relatively innocent advance on me I was overwhelmed with fear and loathing, I just do not want to be touched, and I do not want to have any kind of sexual contact with anyone.
I want to move on and have a partner, but am finding this difficult given my reluctance to have any kind of sexual relationship with anyone. Life is way to short to worry about if your wife or your girlfriend love you or are cheating on you! Worry about yourself and improving your looks and your actions! But the biggest one I guess is trying to make people laugh. I always feel this obligation to make people laugh and I hate it. Just be yourself! If people cant except you for who you are then that is their loss. I am with a woman that wants to be on chat lines talking with other men and I do not know if I want to be with a woman like that but after 23 years it is hard to let go!
Good luck and be strong! My insecurities: -I feel like I have a boring personality. With my friends I have a good time but I wish I could be more entertaining with guests or people I meet for the first time. I can play two instruments but only at a very basic level.
Catching all the rebounds. Try dealing with pimples on your face the size of golfballs for 10 years and I only managed to cure it with hemp oil. I posted a few comments here before. I am slightly tall, thin and handsome 6 foot 1 but plagued by acne. When my pimples was on a down low i would have more confidence but my breakouts were so bad sometimes I would call in sick to work or school and take a day or two off.
And now that my face have been pretty clear for the past 2 years I have been alot less insecure but dealing with a lot of mental issues and slowly recovering from a car accident that kept me off from work for months. But dont give up playing the guitar because it got me thru some tough times and gave me confidence.
I picked it up at the age of 19 and 3 years later after picking up the guitar I taught over 13 people how to play sudden death by the thrash metal band megadeth that they wrote specificaly for guitar hero and i learned it by hear and posted the 5 star guitar tab on ultimate guitar. I taught a 6 year old how to play back in black and the only song he knew how to play before that was hot cross buns lol. So he went from playing hot cross buns to back in black almost over night.
You just need to know what to practice and learn good technique and it is all in muscle memory and repetition and determination but you wont get many girls playing Kpop tho. Awesome Sophie! I constantly get reminded that I look asian, wherever I go. That was roughly years ago. This is making me more depressed. Remember, this is just step one. Read through steps 2, 3, and 4, and start taking action. Every time I am around him I forget how to speak and my heart skips a beat. The moment i completed reading this article i was like….
This is Me!!. Sometimes i think i am slow in picking up things compared to others. I feel awkward now. Thanks for the opportunity Leigh. Keep going mate. Sometimes it gets difficult, I just hope others get read this and be grateful of what they have not been through. I use to be very insecure until I joined a gym started to work out almost everyday and lost over 40 pounds!
It has really changed my whole outlook on life! I never kissed a woman. Hey everyone! Reading this was really helpful. And here I am now. Nice to get it all out there. I creep out at the mere thought of it! Could a girl still be attracted after hearing that all? Be it. These are my insecurities so far : -About showing my true self. But after I had my son, my body changed. It makes me wonder if my boyfriend still sees me the same sexy, loving, fun girlfriend as before.
But I know that if I were to ever have something so concrete to work with as far as him being unfaithful to me, I would end the relationship. Like I would be annoying them to say anything. So, I avoid situations and choose solitude. I try not to react and the only thing I know is to smile and shrug it off. And maybe, by over thinking about their opinions, I give them some power over me. I feel mainly insecure about my future. In fact, I feel like my life has already ended when it merely begun… Stupid, right? My real first girlfriend I was 22yo Insecure when we touch me, sweat a lot.
Insecure by asking question. Insecure with my English speaking. Feel inferior in presence of hight class people. Afraid to lose my girlfriend by someone else She already quit me for my insecurity I am ambarrass when we asked if I have had black-ancestor. I look down all the time. Those are the top ten. Shall I keep going?! I feel as if he will leave me cause he will get bored with me like some toy, but he says he really likes me so idk.
I want to stay myself, but gain more confidence. Hope this will help! Now 8 of them are fake those you see when you smile. They are whiter than the others and I always fear people will notice them. As a student, I drink often 2 to 4 times a week and I think that is the reason I sweat a lot. Even if I noticed they look, something holds me back to look back… And also talking to cute girls just give me the Niagara-falls-armpits. I was advised to not play for months. I gained weight and became heavier, meaning I also gained visible body fat.
Hopefully things will help me, specially working out. I am insecure about being stupid. I know im not, im just a little slow at times but people constantly remind me and it starts to hurt. I am insecure with socializing with others because i used to be really quiet and have no idea what to talk about. Others have also said im weird when i interact with them. It has me thinking about mines.
I think they are to big and I feel like my teeth could be whitener. Lack of knowledge I guess. Dealing with the body hair. So there you have it people my list of insecurities. At the end of the day I do my best to accept these insecurities but the keeping coming back and it annoying. By actually doing this method hopefully it helps. Hey everybody, i was wondering since we all have insecurities and many resembling with each other, why not try and help each other get out of these dark clouds? Have an online session where we all talk about how to deal with these insecurities?
Solamente bese a dos chicas. Tengo miedo de hablar con gente que no conozco. Por momentos me siento deprimido. Por momentos no se que hacer con mi vida. Por momentos me siento infeliz. My family has always been poor. We live on an income half of what a high schooler would spend money on their clothes and make up in a month 2.
I tried thinking I was the normal and special one, but being constantly reminded that by blank stares by people is difficult 4. My dad is a horny pedophile and only took my mom for granted. Its a proven fact that those who were raised in wealthy families are usually smarter and intellectual than poor families. I hate the fact that im smart enough to know this, but not stupid enough to ignore this fact.
Sometimes I want to end my life. I have: slept with, cuddled, kissed, women though. I live with my parents and commute, sometimes I wonder what college would have been like if I lived with a roommate or alone. It has its perks though. I tend to become the stranger if schedules change during a new semester or if I start a new job. I need to learn how to keep the ones I meet and like.
Longest relationship was a month, and I was always anxious and thinking that she was seeing someone else. I have a bit of a gut as well. More Serious Stuff… — I have a friend and we used to be in an intimate relationship. I feel jealous because of that, and it leads to controlling and highly emotional behavior on my part. My wrists are small for a male adult like a girl even though I work out enough to bulk up other parts, maybe due to my bone structure. I have allergy to mosquito bites that creates not-so-good apperance on the skin for some time some weeks or months due to frequencies of bites I got from that damn insect.
This one is not too serious like in my younger years though. Expectations: I had gone to school for special talents in my locality which is a small remote town for my junior and high school years so in some regards, I was a genius in science. Later into college years, I switched schools for some time and ended up graduated from a business school. I am still a virgin! Due to a symptom called oneitis and I was too scared to push for it or living in my expectation only to realize later on I have missed something else to try to complete my life.
I am paradoxical mixed of old fashioned values and modern values which get me into troubles getting misunderstood or finding the society and people we are living in is full of hypocrisy and liars. I am afraid of betrayals and lies cause I have seen and experienced them far too often. I can start a conversation with girls but somehow along the way I will screw it up. I can be awkward sometimes and most of these times are in front of the girls I want to get.
I think woth my dick too much when it is coming to relationship LOL and it ends up not get me laid. Although getting laid is not the only thing I want when I try to get a girl I know, I am a dinosaur. Some girls only wants getting laid. Maybe I should have tried my best to become a scientist who lives alone in his ivory tower. I feel like expressing myself here might help me so here we go! I never used to hav bad skin, in fact I used to have lovely skin!
I may even have excoriated acne. Is any of this actually helping my skin? Why am I doing this to myself? Through deep spiritual work myself, releasing negativity, and embracing love and positivity within my thoughts, along with regular meditation and not letting my mind run my awareness, I have healed very much over the years and now live in a confident, peaceful, and relatively happy existence. Begin there at the core and begin purifying that, and your body will naturally begin to clear up and heal.
You can also try all the physical remedies such as acne cleanser and drinks etc, but those are really just band-aids for the source of the problem, your thoughts and the negativity there that is resulting in physical illness. This increases quality of life by very much.
But fear as well arises from thoughts, so as you can see the source of suffering lies in negative thinking. Resolve that and resolve your suffering, and move into a state of peacefulness and bliss. I used to play soccer and I bike and run a lot so I have all these scars on them and my knees are dark. I hate them and to me they look really fat and ugly, no matter how many times I excersize.
I think the scariest thing for me is that I do know what they look like to other people. I think the most important step here is step 2. Because admitting your insecurities to yourself is one thing, nobody but you knows about that. My physique. My nose. When I was a teenager it started to get big and I always thought if only my nose looked better, then everything would be better. Trying to overcome my insecurities, Not feeling beautiful, Feeling stupid, as though being inexperienced and young is something wrong, Insecure of making mistakes, for some reason when someone tells me ive done something wrong i play it up in my head as though they are attacking me and lash back, this is extremely unproductive, Im insecure about my ability in bed, which in turn, makes me worse, because i am simply self conscious and dont make effort to try to learn to be better in case i make a mistake.
I am always measuring myself and my beauty to other people, It makes me feel worthless, because this person has more beautiful eyes, or this one has nice breasts, and mine are small, etc and i will never be as good as them. I am trying to overcome these things,. Well, I am a 20 year old female. I honestly feel like I am I am dating this guy off and on. I know that he loves me but I cannot bring myself to trust him, which is why we are always off and on. Things happened in our relationship.
Partners: Sexual intimacy
He will be going to a university in September which is about an hour away. I have extremely bad trust issues. Its so bad. I make up things in my head and it drives me crazy. It has taken over my life and relationship. I am so insecure and it is killing me. I am insecure about my short hair. My teeth are horrible. I really need braces and other work done but I cant afford it whatsoever. I hate my body type. I have a horrible build. I hate my small butt. I feel like no one is attracted to me because of it. I have a horrible mindset and I am a Negative Nancy.
I hate to admit it but it is the truth. I am afraid of getting cheated on. I am afraid that ill never be good enough or beautiful enough for anyone. Feels good to write it down…. Afraid to make mistakes, or talk myself out of applying for a better job. Take the feeling of being judged by others way to seriously. Need to just focus on myself. Spend too much time in my head. My insecurity, I have rough face despite what I have done to correct it nothing seems to make it improve and people see me as ugly.
My friends secretly voted me as ugliest person when we were younger and no one ever compliments my face. My face has successfully eliminated almost all my other insecurities because of how bad it makes me feel. Nothing else makes me feel this bad about myself. Cant believe im doing this…. Seriously I get looks from all types of women everywhere I go but i only kissed 2 girls I guess -Dissappointing my parents, they worked so hard to get me and my brother out of poverty that if I dont go to school I would just be a big failure.
Im a black man by all means but dammit people look at me like im some nigga off the corner. I blame porn though -Being used again by women. I have always been used by women i wanted a relationship out of but….. I was also bullied alot when I was young, being called gay because I had gay friends, I fought alot in school and had to go to impulse control classes. I often see woman I think he will find attractive, cause I know what he likes and it scares me for him to see her or anyone.
Am also insecured about my boobs…they r saggy and stretch marks.. A lot of problem for one person.. About my appearance nothing to worry about, really happy with myself in this aspect. Really good dancer and guitarrist. I think this will help me a bit to attract girls. I was inspired by the courageous admissions posted and decided to muster up a bit of my own. I get inklings of attraction and yet stop myself from acting until the attraction fizzles or they find someone else.
When my first love left me so that he could go back to his ex, I wrote him a fucking farewell email wishing him luck seriously. When I realized that my last boyfriend who I had known for years before dating, was dying, I ran away. Went incognito. When I got the phone call the guilt of abandoning him just piled onto the grief and I cried every night for nearly a year. I know I need to suck it up and take a step. Any step, really. So yeah.
Step 2, is refreshingly therapeutic. Thanks for the wonderful article and reading my rambling dialogue. Thanks for the awesome article. I hope I can release and let go of my insercurity and find happiness And true love. I am insecure about the way i talk naturally. My dialect is a mixture that does not make much sense, and is one of the first things people ask me about when they first meet me.
Some people struggle to understand me at the begining too. Also i struggle with sentence structure when im writing and speaking, and often i can pronounce a word stupidly wrong. I also read the article about becoming the Alpha, and what I got out of it was that YOU are stopping yourself from becoming the man you want. And that is true. What do I do? My weight-My mother is constantly putting me down about it even when I go to the gym regularly.
My academics-I do get decent marks, but my mother is never really satisfied. Jealousy-School is definitely a place to get discouraged. These are just a few of many insecurities I struggle to come to terms with on a regular basis. Any suggestions on how I can deal with my insecurities better? My beauty is covered. My insecurities: — My weight.
I talk so soft and I always feel like I sound weird especially when I hear a recording of myself. I feel like my sense of style is ugly. I always tried to dress like other people. I always felt like my thighs were bulky and unattractive. I wish I was like that all the time. After reading all this article from AI everything is starting to makes sense though haha. My main insecurities are being close to a woman really. But i started to think ahh… whatever. A few guys have commented on this. Shaving makes it thicker. Waxing will be too embarrassing and painful. My sister takes her side and they both are very annoying.
My insecurities list: — My fear of throwing up while eating one on one with women: I get nautious when I eat with a women 1 on 1. Because of this I get scared of being judged and fear throwing up as being weak. And the idea to be finished too quickly and come over as inexperienced to a women. I am insecure about my life in general about everything.
I am insecure about myself and whether I will be able to live a life which could be admired by others. I am insecure about being able to accomplish what I want. I am insecure about being able to bring value into this world before I die. I am insecure about dying and not being remembered or known for something. I am insecure about myself. But I know that I can start believing in myself again and feel powerful, and strong, and happy.
Because today I was able to admit my insecurities and Im not afraid of sharing my insecurities to the world. Anyway I think about my life every day I probably need some sort of therapy because im so depressed now that it affects my every day life. I had sex for the first time at 23 and it was to a girl I met online. My length is barely okay but my thickness is thin. I need to bulk up to cover my big head and especially ears with a bigger body. Anyway my biggest concern and the thing I worry most about is relationships. I have never had a meaningful relationship at 25 and my dick is somewhat thin.
My job requires me to sit at a computer. My lack of experience in the corporate world is showing to my boss. When I say this I actually mean no friends. No girlfriend ever. And no way of meeting women, because that usually happens with friends. That or I look like I have zero personality. The biggest things for me are I wish I had friends so I could meet women, I hate to disappoint my family and never meet anyone and not have a Social life. This is by far the most informative article tagging everything that is presently looming in my life.
This made my day and gives me hope for the change I so desperately seek. Well i used to be so happy i didnt even noticed everything that was wrong with my body until this past summer when i saw that everyone looked so perfect and i was like whats wrong with me why dont i have any of that i got into a depresion for a few weeks a really bad one i was thinking that if my body is so bad why am i alive i thought about cutting and that it wouldnt be so bad if i died. When i looked at my family none of them had my problems theyre skin was perfect and then i noticed that i got everything from my father i just could not believe it.
When i look at i friends i just feel bad that theyre so perfect and im a disaster. My insecurities are that i have strech marks all over my body and that i have scars from being clumsy and flalling all over my legs and on my arm im just afraid that nobody will ever accept my body and all of my many flaws i literally have a flaw in every part of my body and i just dont know how to accept it.
If anyone reads and replies thanks it means a lot. My friends. Help ME. Im insecure about my height,my weight and my Facial struture. Wow… Reading all of these made me think how i making my insecurities big problems and worrying about a lot. Fuck that we are all fucked up and trying to hide our true selves to fit in a society. Even though nobody is going to judge me instead they will love me more but still im choosing to look better. I want desperately to enjoy a deep, connected sex with a stunning beautiful body. If i had only stop this and told her what i think i would get amazing results.
It looks weird and makes me feel like less a man. I have read about evolution, spirituality and all these only confused me more, i am terrified by the reality of a universe. I have no job and no desire in a career. I dont know what i am good at. I am so afraid im going to end up as failure. My insecurity, and I am here because I finally realised, is to show my emotions, to show people my weaknesses. When you open to someone you are vulnerable, you can be hurt, and I always was afraid of being hurt and also of people noticing my fear.
So I built a shield and I acted as the most confident guy ever, and people bought it, ffs even I ended up buying it! Was He ever in love? Now, if i do show it back they feel visibly uncomfortable, my own grandmother feels unconfortable if i hug her the same way my brother does, which is showing lots of love. Things were fine until she broke it off. From that point on, my life has been on a downward spiral. One bad thing after another. I found another company, but still no progress. I pursued an entrepreneurial venture and failed. I lost absolutely all the money I had saved.
My family grew apart, so we practically no longer speak. All these things have affected me enormously. I read books and posts from this site that I believe they are very helpful, but the problem is in me. Had them since I was Scourge of my life. Looks very unnatractive from certain angles. Very discouraging. Thanks Sherio! Things are going much better now. No longer a virgin. So to anybody else out there who was in my position, keep your chin up, and do your best to be a good, fun person.
Things can turn around, even at age I get this idea from media, internet forums and articles on what women post and real life experiences. My ex girlfriend once mentioned to me not wanting to hurt me that she made her peace with my size shortly after she cheated on me with a hung black and told me it was the best sex of her life thats the basic version at least. I hate when women attempt to console a guy by saying girth is more important as that is SIZE and when they say be better at some other aspect of sex like oral, this just further demonstrates the importance as you have to work extra hard and compensate, for your lack in size.
I believe women look for confidence in a guy because it must mean he is probably well endowed and gonna fuck the shit out of them. Sounds like your in the ballpark. Believe it or not women come in different sizes too, both length and girth and they differ in the spots they like stimulated. Likewise with being too wide, things can rub, get irritated and width is only hitting one or two spots max, and that only if you know what you are doing.
There are plenty of women where more than half their arousal is not just vaginal penetration, excluding even the whole mental aspect. Even this article talks about many things that are mental turn-ons. Sex has a large mental component for both sexes IMHO, I think men tend to forget that again hence this article because we are visually aroused fairly easily so we tend to not recognize this as mental arousal when it is.
Lastly, in my youth I was larger than average, now pretty much average on an average day. Believe it or not its better now, even for me. Well statistically speaking average is 5. My ex used to tell me that she could never really feel much when she was on top and unfortunately I had witnessed a video of her having sex with the hung guy that she left me for and she was on top and I have never made her make sounds like she was making with him…..
Im 43, a virgin, and never had a girlfriend — or any relationship at all. Bronnie Ware. Present Over Perfect. Shauna Niequist. John Bradshaw. Big Magic. Elizabeth Gilbert. Healing Your Aloneness. Margaret Paul. Jordan B. Gary John Bishop. Judgment Detox. Gabrielle Bernstein. Dina L. Make Miracles in Forty Days. The New Rules of Marriage. Terrence Real. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. Christopher Germer. Codependent No More Workbook. Susan Forward. The Magic. Rhonda Byrne. Lundy Bancroft. Girl, Wash Your Face. Rachel Hollis.
Michelle Obama. Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment. Karen Casey. Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. Margalis Fjelstad. Better Than Before. Gretchen Rubin. Girl, Stop Apologizing. Why Him? Why Her? Helen Fisher.
Randi Kreger. Amy Cuddy. Where to Draw the Line. Anne Katherine. Laura Vanderkam. Getting Past the Affair.
Obstacles to finding love
Douglas K. Codependency For Dummies. Darlene Lancer. Kristin Neff. Love Warrior. Glennon Doyle. Dying to Survive. Rachael Keogh. Steven C. Year of Yes. Shonda Rhimes. Lisa Scott. Marie Kondo.